Seven Poems
For Mary Shaver Hobi
1946-2014
1.
On the immanent departure
of a dear friend
The news of your departure
Your infinite voyage
Is still too fresh a wound
Opening my heart like
A red flower opening too soon
You are alive in me
And I in you
Closer than sisters
Bound heart and mind
In laughter and consolation
We have played rings
Around each other
All these years
Delving deep into the sweet
Rich cake of life
Raising babies
Loving and losing husbands
Our children flying free
While we hold them to us
Secretly
Steady and learning
The patience of rock
We’ve waited
Always there
For everyone…
And now is your moment
Now is your time
As the great door opens
And you prepare
To take flight
Soon you will slip free
When the moment is right
And the door opens wide
With a blinding wash
Of limpid light
And you let go
And ride that sweet tide
Home
Into the beating heart
Of life
—
Wakeup Calls
Yesterday an Earthquake
Snapped me back from dream
Shaking me awake at 3am
Like a mother gone mad
And when she let go at last
Pacified
I could only cry out in wonder:
Oh! This is life!
And today
As if I had not had my fill
Of shaking
You dear friend
Have slapped me awake
With your incomprehensible news
Of departure
And I can only cry out in wonder:
Oh! This, too, is life!
—
3.
How desperately
we wish for control
for logic
for simplicity
the apple falling
to gravity
and that’s that.
Last night
in my dream
I screamed and screamed
a long EEEEEEEEE
unceasing
til i ran out of air
because something
had disappeared
impossibly vanished
was just
no longer there.
And you were with me
friend and mother
of us all
epitome of normalcy
homey and reassuring
and solid as a rock
but you were ill
and sleeping
and I was screaming
because you
were disappearing too
Where is the logic
the reason
the rightness
that you are leaving
so soon,
walking out of this world
of the seen
the reasonable,
of Mother
and apple pie,
where no one is ever
supposed to die?
You
who were supposed
to be with us
beyond the end of time
have pulled a fast one
and soon will vanish
leaving only
the imprint of your hug
the trace
of your soft kiss
I keep dreaming
of you
still here
but ill and resting
and there is nothing
I can do
no magic pill
no potion
no bargain
i can make
with Destiny
Only love
our fate
and the grace
with which
our fingers unfold
lightly
in soft farewell
as dawn awakens
and the great wind
rushes in.
—
4.
I’m driving to your funeral
I know it’s your Life Celebration
But tough, it feels like a funeral,
And I’m in a funk:
I’m late, my significant other
Will eventually die
As will I
No one loves me
And even you kicked me out
Saying you had other fish to fry
So I’m in a funk
Not smiling, not cheerful
The way I’m supposed to be
And suddenly
There you are beside me
In the passenger seat
Jiggling along over the bumps
Squinting into the sun
As if you were on your way
To a war
Facing forward
Just dealing
With the force of gravity
Not smiling, not cheerful
The way you’re supposed to be
Which surprises me so much
I come tumbling down
And land
Like a parachutist
“Thunk” on the ground
And there we are together
In sisterhood
At peace
With this grim and wondrous reality
Not smiling, not cheerful
But just here
The way we’re supposed to be.
—
5.
Mary at the Portal
Purely content
And filled with joy
The Day comes
And the Night
And all good things,
And Mary stands
At the Portal
Welcoming everyone
Home.
Only yesterday
She awoke with a jolt
As Silo hurled
His lightning bolt
Through her whole being
Head to toe
And she vanished in joy
Nothing more to know
Or show
Now everything melts
All is well
Time and space
Open wide
Nothing to hide
And she stands
By the Portal
Radiant
As the Sun
Her friends come forward
Each carrying a world
And she embraces them
One by one
“Walk right in
Dear friends
Go in before me
For I
Am already
Home.”
—
6.
Mary of Red Bluff
Calm presence of joy
And best of best friends,
On this earth you were
Kindness incarnate
Welcoming all
Into your heart and home
With the warm hand of caring
And your hug that had no end
Your house was a haven
Of laughter and the wonder of life
In your garden
Grew fruits of ecstasy
And your kitchen gave forth marvels
Both succulent and sweet
An alchemy
All things right and deep
Vulnerable wonder woman
Forthright commander
Of all that must be done
Encourager of all hopes not false
Humble Master Builder
Of Sacred Spaces under the sun
You were most definitely
In on the Plan.
Thank you for living
And giving your life
We know you are with us still
In that time and space
Where nothing is lost
Your hug still endless
Your heart still true
Up to the elbows in the feast of feasts
To welcome everyone home.
—
Good friend
You are the rain
To my drought
I know you will come again
Companionable and at home
At twilight and dawn
And all seasons
Happy
In the garden of life.
—
