Foreword
It was a difficult year. The future looked bleak and grey, the days flat and featureless, each one seemingly the same as the previous one.
On the surface, life was fine. I had a good paying job to fill the days and pay the bills. I had a comfortable home of my own, a family to look after and two children who were growing up as well as they could in these turbulent times.
But my mind had deserted me and my feelings were numb. I had this sensation of being gone from myself, absent for stretches of time. I was going through the motions as if on automatic mode. Coming back from time to time to check out things, then blanking out. I was sleepwalking, somnambulating through long expanses of desert-like days and black, dreamless nights.
And yet, there were vivid moments that stood out starkly against the monotonous surface of things as I went about this business of living.
They would burst upon me, catching me by surprise, richly colored and highly charged with some emotion or fleeting thought.
Words to capture those moments bubbled up and I scribbled them down in a small notebook I always carried around.
Many of them came out entirely as haikus.
I began to look forward to those moments, wondering when and where they would arise.
Those brief shining moments studded an otherwise difficult time, guiding my passage through.
Looking back, I realize that those moments, crystallized in the form of short three line poems, were moments when I was standing in the presence of Meaning.
Moments of stillness.
Moments of peace. Of clarity. Of feeling.
There I was in a moment of time, present and open, yet somehow timeless and ageless.
Life speaks, with certitude, whispering about hope, joy and a timelessness as vast as eternity.
Moments that are intimations that yes, Life has a meaning.
I recall the words of Silo, Argentine poet-thinker in the book The Inner Look:
At times, I have grasped a distant thought.
At time, an immense joy has overwhelmed me.
At times, a total comprehension has pervaded me.
At times, a perfect communion with everything has made me ecstatic.
At times, I have broken my reveries and I have seen reality in a new way.
At times, I have recognized something I was seeing for the first time as though I had seen it before.
I fully realize that without these experiences, I could not have left the meaninglessness.
I have collected some of those haikus into a journal in the wish that you too may be graced with moments wondrous enough to guide you through to another “place and time.”
Karina Maria Esteva Lagdameo
September 2002
Intimations –
A Haiku Journal
#1
a new sun rises
on the distant horizon
the clouds have parted.
#2
a flame tree in bloom
stands solitary, brilliant
along the highway.
#3
the petal-strewn path
after a heavy downfall
leads onwards, softly.
#4
dancing flames entreat—
come close and leave the cold
out in the night.
#5
all-embracing sky
under your protective dome
seas breathe, mountains rise.
#6
sun setting slowly
turns white clouds luminous and
gold, the tips of ferns.
#7
sand crackles crisply
under the soles of my shoes.
I walk home, lightly.
#8
the black asphalt road
cuts a swath, parting a sea
of sugarcane stalks.
#9
a Sunday stillness.
Not even a leaf stirring
Nor a bird chirping.
#10
Rain is pounding down—
Long darts and arrows striking
The sun-parched earth.
#11
two white geese stand tall
walking along the furrows
of endless rice fields.
#12
sitting, quietly
under the shade of night—
two fireflies arrive.
#13
two women walking
slow rhythm of hips and stride—
perfect unison.
#14
a tiny prism
seizes a sliver of sun—
night’s gloom is dispelled.
#15
after a long night
the sun surely comes, shining
on each fallen dewdrop.
#16
all the trees bow down
when the sky sends down the rain
to quench the parched earth.
#17
there in an empty
lot on a lone brown hilltop—
tall, tall sunflowers.
#18
all through the pathway
roses and yellow flowers
whisper gentle scents.
#19
the dew on the grass
bathed in silvery moonlight—
shining crystal spheres.
#20
the wind always comes
playing through the bamboo,
gentle whisperings.
#21
yellow wildflowers
push through the cemented earth
bravely seeking sun.
#22
from within the deep
spring, undulating waves rise
up, lotuses float.
#23
two coconut trees
stand tall and high, sentinels
pointing to the sky.
#24
liquid amber sun
pours through the bamboo thicket
piercing through the curtains.
#25
mist on the mountains
heralds the coming of rain—
cleansing showers.
#26
two butterflies come
each morning to play around
the bougainvilleas.
#27
blue sky embracing
sea, shore, sand, trees, shells, starfish
not one cloud in sight.
#28
in the central space
ringed by a circle of trees
heaven scent of pines.
#29
a fallen tree trunk
roots upturned, earth gaping hole
the pathway broken.
#30
light from a lamppost
casts a pale yellow light
the leaves beside, aglow.
#31
white clouds hovering
low over the rolling hills,
a soft spell lingers.
#32
the day was raining
diamonds, perfect crystal
globes, bubbles of light.
#33
banana heart, high
in the branches, points towards
the ground.
#34
the road twists and turns
amidst the coconut-clad hills
miles and miles and miles.
#35
the bells hang heavy—
no amount of wind or breeze
can coax them to sing.
#36
tiny crab struggles
against the seas’s heaving waves—
swimming valiantly.
#37
a small yellow kite
flight arrested in mid-air
caught, on the treetop.
#38
windows frame pictures
fruit-laden tree, sun-splashed flowers
moss on the boulders.
#39
tall green trellises
bunches of roses climb up
up towards the sky.
#40
four wild ducks, feet tied
limp heads hanging down, for sale
is all for sale?
#41
ancient acacia trees
line a leafy arch above
for all who pass by
#42
pink bougainvilleas—
a merry summer splish splash
covers a stony wall.
#43
wind shaking the tree-
gather round, all you who
seek immortality.